My Little Man is Three!

This year has by far been the most exciting of Benjamin's three birthdays. I LOVE birthdays and I love that the excitement of them is being passed on to him. I remember laying in bed before my fifth birthday and not being able to go to sleep because I was so excited. And I remember the year my dad got me this huge warehouse size pack of gum as one of my gifts. We were only allowed to chew it on Sundays and special occasions, so it must have gone stale before I finished it, but it is a fun birthday memory. But back to Benjamin. He's been talking about his birthday off and on for the past month two months. It was about two months ago that I asked him what kind of cake he wanted this year. He told me he wanted an HEB cake, which of course made me miss Texas, but even if we'd been there, I wouldn't have bought his cake. Then, a while later, after our conversations had moved on to other things, he suddenly told me he wanted a cement mixer cake. I made a train cake for his first birthday and it was no small feat for me, but I just couldn't imagine how I was going to make a cement mixer cake. So we came up with a construction themed cake instead. Benjamin and I went to the party store and he helped me pick things out. Just seeing his excitement made me want to buy the whole store. It also made me realize that this may be the last themed party we do because they are crazy expensive. But this year was construction themed, so we had caution tape, balloons, construction hats, and other fun decor. And I made a construction themed cake complete with several plastic trucks, but unfortunately lacking in the cement mixer department. Apparently those are not considered part of the construction sets when they make them available for purchase. Anyway, this year was different than the past two because our families were able to come for his party. We had a beautiful hot sunny day and had his party at the park. Benjamin could hardly keep his hands off the cake and we kept having to tell him to wait to open presents, but it was still a lot of fun for him. This was the first year he was fully aware of the fact that the day was all about him and I loved watching him experience it.

Since we celebrated his party a few days earlier than his actual birthday, I wanted to make sure the day itself was special too. He and I spent the morning playing games and then met daddy for lunch at McDonalds. Back when we were in San Antonio and living in our house while trying to sell it, I'm embarrassed to say that we often went there at least once a week and sometimes more if we had last minute showings. But, since we've moved, life has been a little less hectic and we really haven't eaten lunch out much at all. I think it had been almost two months since Benjamin had had McD's. (As a side note, I totally think the whole lawsuit against McD's for putting toys in their happy meals is ridiculous. It's the play area that draws my kid and none of the McD's here have them. (side side note, even if McD's is totally unhealthy, you have to be a kid every once in a while, and I really wish there were play areas at the McD's here) ) ANYWAY, he was pretty excited about his food and seeing daddy at a restaurant for lunch, so it was fun. To finish off a fun day for him, we spread sheets out in the living room and got pizza and ate it while we watched Veggietales. We had planned to let him sleep in the living room and do sort of a family camp out, but he was antsy and just wouldn't stay still long enough to go to sleep. We finally took him to his room around 10 and he almost seemed relieved and was asleep within minutes. Maybe we'll try the family camp out another year. :)

Benjamin Funnies

Benjamin loves to talk about the things he will be able to do when he gets older. Often when he asks to do or have something and I tell him no, he says "when I get older I can have it." Well, this morning he discovered a bag of toys I had put away because he had outgrown them and I already have plenty of baby toys stored away. Of course he wanted to get into them and I asked him to stop. He told me he wanted to play with them when he got older and I told him they were for babies. His response: "When I get older I can be a baby and play with them."

Babysitting

One of the things I love about living back in my home state and being close to my family is having eager and willing babysitters. My sister Esther has become our regular source for date nights and lately Benjamin has been asking me for her to come over so mommy and daddy can go on a date. I think he really loves having her here. Not too long ago, I downloaded pictures from the camera and discovered some really cute ones of Ben eating an ice cream sandwich and having a good time with his Aunt Esther, so I thought I'd share the cuteness.

Once Upon a Green Smoothie Morning

Sometimes this is what breakfast looks like!!

Brainwashing isn't working

I do not like motorcycles! To me they are a reckless and dangerous way to travel and besides the potentially good gas mileage, I simply cannot see why one would choose to put their life in so much danger by riding one. Oh, and did I mention I am also VERY opinionated? Hahaha! OK, so I'm guessing there must be a thrill to riding them or something. But, since I am a mom and can't bear to think of anything happening to my son, I've attempted to brainwash him in this area of transportation. It worked for a while. We would be out and Benjamin would see a motorcycle and in the very same sentence he would point it out to me and tell me how dangerous they were. But that was then. Now, he just wants to ride them. Of course, he also wants to ride a race car and a digger. But over Memorial Day weekend we spent some time with Matt's family and his aunt. Some friends of theirs came up to visit and arrived on a motorcycle. Benjamin of course wanted to ride. I did inform him that sitting on it was probably all he was going to get to do while he was living under my roof, but he sure enjoyed getting to act like he was riding. I think this momma has some praying and some letting go to do in the future. :)

Remembering

Remembering Olana MacArthur

6/11/84 - 5/27/09

I still remember the day I first heard her voice. I was in our hopeful baby room putting the finishing touches on the paint when the phone rang. We rarely used our home phone, so every time it rang, I felt nervous anticipation. When Matt answered the phone, I could tell it was not the usual sales call. He said he needed to go get me and mouthed "it's about a baby" to me before I got on the other phone. And then I heard her voice for the first time. She was really nervous, but wanted to assure us that this was the choice she both needed and wanted to make for her son. I can still almost feel the shock and excitement and nervousness all wrapped together in that moment.

And I remember going to her last ultrasound before Benjamin was born. She looked beautiful that day, with her belly and that pregnant woman glow. And she was always so bubbly. I remember watching her greet the other pregnant women in the waiting room with excitement because they were there for their babies too. She never knew a stranger. I believe this is where Benjamin gets his outgoing personality.

And I vividly remember sitting at lunch on a Saturday afternoon and getting a call from her telling us that she was getting ready to head to the hospital. We showered and packed bags and left as soon as possible. I remember seeing her in the delivery room and watching her go through contractions. I remember holding her hand and feeling amazed by her strength. I remember how she kept her sense of humor, even through the delivery and I remember her when she saw Benjamin for the very first time. She kept saying over and over how beautiful he was. And indeed she was right.

I remember spending the night with her during her first night home from the hospital, and how she cared so much about him that she breastfed him as long as she could. And I remember the agony in her eyes the day she placed him in my arms and entrusted the roll of mommy to me. To this day, I don't know how she found the strength to make such a loving decision.

I could keep on with the memories and I'm so thankful for that. Open adoption is not always easy, but it's a beautiful thing. I'm thankful that I got to know her, if only a little, so that when I look at Benjamin and see his outgoing personality and his fun and crazy silliness, I know it was from her. And I'm thankful to have seen such a picture of sacrificial love and to be able to share that with Benjamin. He still remembers her and talks about the last time we saw her. We went to a park in Austin and rode the train and played on the playground. I love that he sees pictures from that day and says "you member Olana and the train mommy?" And I always will remember.

Visual

I love it when I get to see something that has God's fingerprints all over it. I feel like God has been teaching me a lot about His love lately and about exhibiting unconditional love to those around me. He's been teaching me that His love is not based on things I do or even on Him doing things for me. If he answers my prayer with a no or a not right now, it doesn't mean he loves me less. So I guess he's been teaching me about trusting His love without having to have a daily visual or emotional feeling of it. So, when He gave me that visual, I think it made me stand even more in awe of Him and His love and protection.

My visual happened yesterday morning. I was up visiting my sister Rachel and her husband Craig while Matt was away at a conference. Monday night we decided to venture out in the rain to do some fun shopping. We spent about an hour and a half at the mall and then went home to put our boys to bed. Tuesday morning we were sitting at breakfast and I was talking to Matt on the phone. He mentioned that our bank had called and that they had said they had a question. My mind immediately went to all those scare stories you hear about people supposedly getting calls from their bank, but it not being their bank at all, so I warned him not to give any personal information (as if my amazing man isn't smart enough to think of this on his own). Matt went on to tell me how it was funny because when he tried to call them back, it was an actual branch. Then I started to panic. I hadn't even used my debit card and we really don't even use that bank anymore. Then it clicked that the area code of the bank he had received the call from was in my sister's town. I frantically went to my purse in search of my debit card, picturing someone having tried to make a large purchase and overdrafting our account. My wallet was gone. Since nothing else was missing from my purse, I figured I must have dropped it, but it's amazing how quickly you forget what all important things are in your wallet. Long story short, after calling one credit card company, I finally got a hold of someone from the bank who informed me that an employee of that bank had found my wallet and brought it to that branch. I nearly cried with relief. And then I thought about all the other scenarios and realized the amazing visual God had just given me of his love and protection. Aside from the obvious protection of our finances, God also protected me from driving half way home without my wallet. I would only have discovered it when I went to get gas and then I would have been stranded. And what are the odds that an employee of the bank we don't even have here in town, but that does have branches where my sister lives would find my wallet and just happen to be able to take it to work where she could find our phone numbers and call us to let us know? Like I said, it has the fingerprints of God all over it. He's so amazing anyway, but I love it when he gives me a visual.