I love a good secret, but I hate keeping secrets when it means keeping good news to myself. And this is the reason that it's been over a month since I updated our blog. This secret has consumed my mind and well, my body and I felt like I had nothing else to talk about. But now it's out!!! God has worked a miracle and let us see in a very tangible way that He is the God of the impossible. I am pregnant!!! Totally unexpected, totally out of the blue, but totally in His timing.
Our church had VBS at the end of June and I was in charge of a Bible times bakery. Ben turned four at the end of June and I was attempting to plan his little family party. And the timing just so happened to work out that all that fell during my dreaded monthly misery. VBS was in the evening at our church this year and I was TIRED!!! Tiredness around this time is not that unusual for me, so I didn't think anything about it, until my regular monthly friend wasn't quite as regular as normal. After seven years though, I didn't get my hopes up. I was just frustrated because I didn't want to feel yucky for Ben's party. So I woke up early on Thursday June 23rd and my mind just wouldn't let it go. I felt kind of silly because, after all, this had happened MANY times before and been nothing. But I knew we had a pregnancy test in the closet that we had purchased many many months before and I thought I would take it and at least that way, I could put the thought out of my mind and move on with getting ready for VBS that night and preparing for Ben's party. Matt works out at a gym and leaves really early on Thursday mornings, so I waited for him to leave before taking the test. I honestly just felt silly for even deciding to take it. I figured I would tell him later that I had taken it and that it was negative, but we've done this so many times, that when one of us has a hopeful month, we rarely say anything to the other because it's just not worth the emotional drama.
So at 6:07am or so, I took the test and within seconds there were two pink lines. I was stunned! Honestly I had no idea what to do. I walked out of the bathroom and then walked back in 20 times just to look at it again because I just didn't believe it. And Matt wasn't even home. I knew there was no way he would hear his phone while he was working out, so I waited a little while before calling him. You can imagine that I spent those few minutes just praising God and asking Him if this could possibly be for real. The passage in Luke came to mind where Mary has just been told that she is going to have a son and then when the angel tells her that her cousin Elizabeth is also with child he says "For nothing is impossible with God." I felt so amazed in that moment to be offered such a tangible way to knowing that to be true.
I finally got a hold of Matt and told him that I had taken the test and that it was positive. He was completely speechless. Then he told me he was coming home and we spent the next several minutes before he had to go to work asking each other if this could possibly be for real. I still didn't completely believe the test, so after he left for work, I called my doctor and asked if I could come in for a blood test. Then I went and bought a second test, which was also positive. Waiting for the call back from the doctor with the results of my blood work seemed to take forever! But when they finally called, I let myself believe that this was actually happening. What an amazing day!
So I feel like I've spent the summer sleeping and trying to figure out what to eat that doesn't sound completely disgusting. I have been blessed not to be super sick, but I definitely haven't felt great. I've struggled with worry and fear that this pregnancy won't last and that this will just be another disappointment, but even that God is using to teach and refine me as he shows me more of His character and calls me to trust Him with the unknowns and what-ifs. I'm learning to leave tomorrow for tomorrow and praise God for each day I get with this precious little life inside me.
I am 10 weeks this week and yesterday I had my first appointment. I knew it was early, but I was so hopeful to get to hear the heartbeat and we got to! What an amazing blessing! Now I'm addicted and can't wait until my next appointment so I can hear it again. :-)
So, Lord willing, we will be welcoming this little miracle into our lives on or around February 28th. I'm SOOO excited!!!