Benjamin Funnies

Yesterday I was in line at the grocery store with Ben and he started talking to the baby. Then he looked up and asked me if the baby could hear him. I told him he could hear his voice, but probably couldn't understand the words he was saying. I told Ben it was kind of like having your head under water in the bathtub and trying to hear someone talking. Ben got a funny look on his face and asked me if there was water in my belly. I told him there was and that it helped to protect the baby. He paused for a minute and then asked "Are there sharks in there too?"

October Travels

I think after a week of being home, we are finally recovered and caught up on sleep from all of our October travels. We were so blessed to be able to be gone for just over two weeks and enjoyed the refreshment of time away as a family. We got to see some great friends in Kansas and Texas and also got to see some of Ben's birth family. It was a great trip. We were definitely ready to be home in our own beds by the end of two weeks, but even the time in the car was mostly enjoyable. We listened to lots of books on tape, played travel Bingo, colored with Ben in the back seat, and got annoyed with each other a few times. :-) Ben watched a few movies and was in heaven getting to watch way more than he normally does. And while we were gone, my belly finally really popped out! It's so much fun to be big enough now that people who don't know I'm pregnant can tell. I felt pretty good through most of the trip. My back was not appreciative of all the car time and I had a few times of travel food not sitting well with me, but other than that, I think it all went great. Little man is kicking stronger and even making my belly move sometimes. It's amazing!

 23 weeks

 We stopped in Omaha first for Matt's conference. It was freezing cold, but Ben and I got out and found these awesome slides a few blocks from our hotel. Matt joined us later and that's him at the top of the slide.

 We had such a great time with our friends Brian and Katie and their son. Ben and Cale played hard just about every minute we were with them.

 Yay for great friends!

 Dinner out with Bert, Tina, Eric and Jamie

 We spent an afternoon in downtown San Antonio and had to splurge on freshly made guacamole from Boudros. Mmmmm. I sure do miss good avocados!!

 Ben did super well with all the hours of driving. We had a fun little surprise for him for each long day and I think it made it a little more fun for him. I picked up some animals at the dollar store and they were a huge hit.

 Ben was so excited to get to help daddy wash the windows!

Our last stop before beginning the drive home was El Paso. We had a great time visiting Ben's birth grandma and great grandma.

Emotions of Pregnancy after Infertility

I've had some pretty emotional weeks lately. A week ago I finished out a journal I started just over three years ago. I'm not very good at consistency with journaling and it was only a 70 page notebook, but when I get to the end of one, I always like to look back through to see where God has taken me. Three years ago we found out about a possible adoption opportunity. The journal started with prayer over that situation. Three years ago today that little boy was born and we thought God meant him to be part of our family. God had other plans and if I had known that it would be three and a half more years before we would add to our family, it would have felt like too much. I'm always amazed at how I want to know what's coming, but when I look back, I'm so glad God showed me only what I needed to know for each season. So my journal ended with the wonder and amazement of finding out I was pregnant. Only God could take something so silly like a journal and start it and end it in such a way.

Pregnancy after years of infertility is so filled with emotion. Some days I feel guilty and almost hesitant to share excitement because I know the pain of so many women who have not yet carried a child in their womb. Other days I feel like it can't be real and I wait for the reality check to let me know that this too is just another pain filled experience along the way. Sometimes fear takes me over and I spend the whole day trying to place myself back at the feet of Jesus in full surrender to whatever His plan is. And some days the joy fills me so full to the top that I cry just thinking about the precious baby boy growing and kicking inside my womb. Overall, I'm in awe. I don't know God's plans for this child. But I'm amazed that He is allowing this child to grow inside of me. Each day is such a blessing and I don't want to take any of them for granted.

Guess Who's Getting a Little Brother!!

Whew! This pregnancy is flying by! I'm 19 weeks and I think now I almost want it to slow down just a tiny bit. I love this stage! I'm finally starting to show a tiny bit more and in the last few weeks I've felt little flutters and kicks and it's just amazing!! I think I can finally say that I am over having sick days for the most part, unless I do way too much one day. I have so much more energy now and I'm loving being able to work out more consistently and get a few more things done around the house. I am also finally able to eat just about anything now, which is awesome, but now I need to be careful because I went from wanting nothing to do with sugar, to craving chocolate ALL THE TIME!! But I'm also enjoying all kinds of healthy stuff again too. I'm officially not fitting into my jeans anymore and I was so excited to find some maternity jeans that look and feel great, but are also long enough. I've decided that they may have to remain in my closet even after pregnancy because I think they fit better than my non maternity jeans. :-)  I'm still so in awe that I am getting to experience this. I feel like I just want to soak up every minute. Last week was a super exciting doctor's appointment. We got to see this little life that is growing inside me. It felt surreal. Of course based on tests and the way I was feeling, I knew I was pregnant, but to have the image of this precious baby come up on the screen was amazing! And, we found out that God is blessing us with another boy! Benjamin was so excited when he found out. He was pretty set on having a boy because he thought he and the baby should match.

OK, so still not showing a ton, but definitely growing!

14 Weeks

Seems like the first trimester went by super slow, but I have a feeling things are about to speed up now that I'm mostly feeling better. I'm still waiting for the energy boost that all the books mention, but at least I can eat normal food again! I still can't believe this is for real! We had our second doctor's appointment yesterday and I am pretty sure hearing this little one's heartbeat will never get old. Apparently we have a little mover because when the nurse placed the doppler on my stomach, she got the heartbeat right away, but then it was gone and she had to search quite a bit to find it again. In the midst of her searching though, we got to hear a kick. It was amazing! Can't wait for our next appointment when we will get to see this little person on an ultrasound!!!

I never took any belly pictures before now, and I kind of wish I had just for the fun of comparison, but I'm finally starting to get a little bit of a belly, so I thought it was time to start taking belly pictures!



Ben's Take on the Baby in my Belly

This morning Ben was perusing through a week by week pregnancy book I have from the library. It's complete with illustrations and his analysis was quite entertaining.

When he came to a picture of the cells dividing, he said "mommy, do you have pancakes in your belly?"

When he came to a picture of a tiny tiny baby inside the womb, he said "Oh mommy, look at the little baaaaaby inside of you. (said in baby voice) How tiny is he? He's like a booger!"

After that, Ben asked me how big the baby is in my belly right now. I tried to explain that it's about the size of a large lemon (at least that's what the internet says) :-). He insisted that no, our baby was not a lemon. I then explained that it was about the size of my fist (this is how my pregnancy book describes 14 weeks). He then grew adamant and said "No mommy, the baby is not a lemon and it's not a fish! It's just a baby!) So there you have it!

Looks

A strange thing hit me this week. This child is going to look like me and Matt. Would this be a strange thought to most people? Probably not. But seven years ago when doctors told us our chance of getting pregnant was less than 1%, whether or not our child looked like us was the farthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to be a mom. As we grieved through infertility and God moved our hearts toward adoption, the thought that our child would not look like us did cross my mind, but it just didn't really matter. I wanted a baby to hold and love and I wanted to see Matt be a daddy. And then God blessed us like crazy by bringing Ben into our lives and people began to comment about how he must take after Matt, or me. I would laugh because I knew his adorable looks came straight from his birth families. And I love that. In fact, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way when people know we adopted Ben and they still insist that he looks like us, as if looking like your parents truly is the only way you know you belong.

And so, the idea of our child looking like us almost surprised me when it came to mind this week. I'm so excited about it! But I'm also so glad for the perspective adoption has given me. Families are put together by God. Sometimes they all look like each other, and sometimes He likes to change things up. I can't believe I'm getting to experience both! And in the end, I hope we all look most like Him!