Looks

A strange thing hit me this week. This child is going to look like me and Matt. Would this be a strange thought to most people? Probably not. But seven years ago when doctors told us our chance of getting pregnant was less than 1%, whether or not our child looked like us was the farthest thing from my mind. I just wanted to be a mom. As we grieved through infertility and God moved our hearts toward adoption, the thought that our child would not look like us did cross my mind, but it just didn't really matter. I wanted a baby to hold and love and I wanted to see Matt be a daddy. And then God blessed us like crazy by bringing Ben into our lives and people began to comment about how he must take after Matt, or me. I would laugh because I knew his adorable looks came straight from his birth families. And I love that. In fact, sometimes it rubs me the wrong way when people know we adopted Ben and they still insist that he looks like us, as if looking like your parents truly is the only way you know you belong.

And so, the idea of our child looking like us almost surprised me when it came to mind this week. I'm so excited about it! But I'm also so glad for the perspective adoption has given me. Families are put together by God. Sometimes they all look like each other, and sometimes He likes to change things up. I can't believe I'm getting to experience both! And in the end, I hope we all look most like Him!

Approved!!

This week was an exciting one because we got our homestudy report and sent in our last form and fee before we activate. Woohoo! We should be active by sometime next week and then the waiting begins. I've had all kinds of emotions throughout this process. Some days I feel like I can't even handle what God has given me and I think there's no way we should be adopting again. Other days I am anxious that we will never get chosen again. But lately, I've had peace. I don't know what God's plan is for us this time. I don't know if our first match will go through, or if we will have a fall through. I don't know how long the wait will be or even if we will have a match. But God does and I'm choosing to surrender to His will, whatever that may look like. But that's not to say that I'm not excited!! The thought of having another baby to love and of watching Ben be a big brother thrills me! I feel peaceful about the wait, but I'm so excited to see what this next adoption story looks like.

Happy Adoption Day!

For some reason this week has been a week of stepping back and really looking at Benjamin. I mean, I see him every day, but sometimes I just go through life with him and don't think about how big he's getting. But a couple of days ago we were sitting on the couch reading a stack of books and he and Matt were carrying on this very adult-like conversation about one of them and it just hit me that he is not at all a baby anymore. He's just so grown up. He's getting so independent and wants to do everything himself. He even made his own PB&J this week. I was blown away.

So today we are celebrating his third adoption day. Ben and I spent an hour this morning looking through pictures from our first time of meeting Olana, his birth, his first few months after birth, and pictures of his finalization. He's starting to ask more questions about adoption now. He's still very much at the age where he just takes it in stride like it's no big deal. I love the little ways he's grasping it all and I love getting to share the way that God brought him into our family. Today as we were looking through pictures of his placement ceremony, he was asking me if we were sad. I still cannot look through those pictures without getting emotional. So I tried to explain to him how much Olana loved him and how she chose us to be his parents, but that it broke her heart not to be able to be his mommy. Just explaining it all to him makes me so amazed at the strength it took for Olana to make and follow through with her decision. I am so blessed to be able to be Ben's mommy.

Stepping Over the Edge

Two years ago, the Lord brought a sweet little boy into the world and we thought He was bringing him into our family. But He did not. We were devastated and I found myself questioning the very sovereignty of God. Less than a year later, we began the process to adopt again through the same agency we worked with for Benjamin's adoption. We hurriedly finished all our paperwork, asked our friends to write letters of reference, and went to the required orientation. I found myself believing that after what we had been through, we deserved a quick and easy placement. My prayers were often little more that telling God what would make me believe in His sovereignty again. I read my Bible regularly, went to my Bible studies, and did all the things I knew I should be doing. All the while, I was hurting and sometimes really angry that God would take us through the deep pain of infertility, and then, as if that weren't enough, take us through the pain of losing a child we thought He was giving us. We were nearly ready to schedule our home study when Matt's job started getting scary. He came home many days telling me that he didn't know if he'd have a job by the end of the month. My first thoughts were panic over the fact that we couldn't very well adopt a child with no family income. I struggled for control and grew even more frustrated with our circumstances. I had always pictured having my kids about 2 years apart and the closer we got to Ben being 2 1/2, the more anxious I got. But God was (as He always is) working on my heart, even though it was hurting. Not long after we returned from CA after that failed adoption, I came across a podcast done by a couple who had a heart for kids in need and who were in the beginning stages of foster care. I listened to every episode and began to wonder if God would someday lead us down that path. But I really wasn't willing to do it until we had gotten to adopt as least one more baby. Then I started reading the book as part of our women's Bible study at church. It's called The Forgotten God by Francis Chan and it began to change me. Part of the chapter on God's will said "...dwelling on God's plan for the future often excuses us from faithful and sacrificial living now. It tends to create a safe zone of sorts, where we can sit around and have 'spiritual' conversation about what God 'might' have planned for our lives. Thinking, questioning, and talking can take the place of letting the Spirit affect our immediate actions in radical ways." I mulled that over and wanted to act on it, but in many ways I still wasn't "over" my desire to have my way. I wanted to be more willing to go the direction God wanted us to take, but I really didn't want to do it until I had what I wanted, which was a baby.

Not long before we moved, I was part of a Bible study and was watching the video for that week's study. One of the bullet points was that we needed to move past our devastation with God. I felt like someone had just put a knife in me. I knew that was a huge part of my problem. I was devastated with God and I didn't want to get past it. I was afraid if I let go of it and trusted Him again, I would only be devastated again and then perhaps lose my faith all together. But watching that video became a turning point for me. As I completed the study later that week, I was so amazed that God was dealing this out with me and that He hadn't been faithless even though I had. I underlined so much from that week, but a couple of things stuck out to me and they are so true. "Satan has no greater agenda than to talk you and me into believing that God is not good after all." and "Accepting the challenge to work through crisis and conflict can be a tremendously important part of developing closeness in relationship...Work right through the middle of it with your God. He has never left you. Never ceased loving you. And never shut off His goodness from you."

I began to take hold of that truth and in many ways, I feel like that's when I began to believe once again that God is who He says He is. But when we moved, I still assumed that we would adopt an infant before we did anything else. I researched agencies and Matt found out about a couple of people from his work who had adopted recently. We even filled out the preliminary application for an agency and I was ready to send it in. But then I got that check in my spirit and waited. Matt and I talked about timing and whether or not to do adopt through foster care now, or later and after lots of talking and reasoning it out, I felt peace about moving forward with an infant adoption.

Then I listened to another episode of that foster parenting podcast and I was caught up short. They put out the challenge that often when we feel peace about something, it's not necessarily peace we are feeling, but comfort. Often we say we have a peace about something because we are too afraid to do anything else. I absolutely knew this was why I had "peace" about applying for another infant adoption. It felt comfortable to me. I knew how the process worked when you used an agency and I wanted a baby. But I also just kept getting this prompting toward foster care and adopting through that process. So we stalled some more. I waited, hoping God would give us the go ahead toward infant adoption and we continued to save money.

A few weeks ago, I finally made some phone calls to at least get some information about foster care. I had heard that it was best to work with an agency, but the only one I was able to get a hold of didn't work with our county. The other one never returned my calls. I also left a message for someone with the department of child services and received a quick call back, as well as a packet in the mail within a few days. Today we registered to begin the 26 hours of training we will have to complete in order to be foster parents.

My emotions are all over the place. I'm super excited, but I'm also scared to death. I still struggle with that expectation that if God is calling us to do this, He is going to make it easy for us. But He never promised that doing what He asks will be easy. I have this sense of euphoria that I imagine one would have just after stepping out of a plane to go sky diving. It's the excitement of being willing to go where God is telling us to go, even though I'm 100% out of my comfort zone.

I still don't know for sure if this is the direction we will be taking. I'm still struggling not to run the other way out of fear of the unknown. And I'm still having to let go of my desire to have another baby and trust that God knows what is best in His big picture plan. But we are walking forward and doing the next thing until He leads us through or closes the door. Pray for us!

Lost in Explanation

This morning Benjamin was looking through "Horton Hatches an Egg" while I was washing dishes. He was very interested in Horton's eyes at different places in the book. When Horton was sitting on the egg in the snow, his eyes were red and Ben asked if Horton was tired. I told him I thought maybe he was cold since he was covered in snow. So at the end of the book when the egg hatches and the bird comes out looking like an elephant with wings, Benjamin wanted to know why his eyes looked the way they did. I told him that Horton was surprised and happy that the the bird came out looking like him. Then I got to thinking about it and thought it was sort of like adoption. The child has many of the same traits as his/her birth family, but also takes on traits of his/her adoptive family over time. Benjamin is just starting to try to grasp adoption, so I tried to explain my thoughts to him about the connections between the story and adoption in terms he could understand. Apparently I didn't do a very good job because he got a funny look on his face and said "when I was born I looked like an elephant?"

Happy Adoption Day!

Two years ago today we went before a judge in Dallas, Texas and finalized Benjamin's adoption. I can hardly believe it's been that long already. We debated a little about whether to celebrate his placement date or his finalization date and while we will probably always make a big deal about both, we have decided that we will probably make a bigger deal about the finalization date since placement was just three days after his birthday. So tonight we are celebrating with some of his little friends, pepperoni pizza (his request) and cupcakes. He's super excited and woke up this morning telling me it was adoption party day. I don't think he fully grasps the concept of adoption yet, but he's definitely getting small parts of it. I love to talk to him about his story and telling it always reminds me what an amazing gift we have been given in being his parents. Happy Adoption Day Benjamin. I love you so much!!

Adoption and Trust

It's been a while since I posted much besides the activities of our summer. But between and in the the midst of those activities, we have been discussing and deciding on beginning the "process" again. After Benjamin's adoption, I thought I would be much more patient with the paperwork and the wait. I thought that since I would be busy with a child, I would be less emotional. But I guess I was wrong. Perhaps being caught up in the excitement of finally being a mom after 4 years of trying made me think I would never experience that "out of control" feeling again. But, here I am, asking myself once again if I really trust God with our family. I mean, saying I trust Him is so easy when life goes as planned, but when I'm in a place of waiting, and actually really have to trust, well, it's just easy to doubt.

We began the application paperwork for our next adoption at the beginning of July. It was exhilarating to finally feel like we had the go ahead to get started. But it was overwhelming too. When we filled out paperwork for Benjamin's adoption, there was a lot of uncertainty, but I was certain I was cut out to be a mom. But now that we have Benjamin and are a "returning" family to our agency, I found myself wavering as I looked over the application. There were whole sections of questions about what I found the most difficult in parenting, what things I would do differently with our next child, and what things I would do the same. I think now that I am a mom and know that my ideals of being the perfect mom are pretty unreasonable, those questions made me feel that out of control feeling again. That feeling of just wanting to be like everyone else who decides they want to have another child and then does. Without having to prove that I am a good mom (especially on a day when I have lost my temper with Benjamin or spent way more time on housework and cooking than with him) and without wondering if another woman will ever choose us to be her child's parents.

And then I come back to that trust issue. I'm realizing that when I get that out of control feeling, I actually do not trust God. I don't trust what He says in His word that He knows the plans He has for me and that they are for my good and not my harm. I don't trust that He will build our family without me being in control. I like control. I like to feel like I know what's going to happen and when and how it will happen. But that's not the way adoption works. I don't have two pink lines that tell me that in approximately nine months, we will have a baby. I have a stack of paperwork that we just turned in that tells me very little, other than that perhaps sometime in the future, after we go through some interviews, and then wait for an unknown amount of time, we will get to welcome another child into our family. But to trust in the meantime, without that control is SO hard! I need more faith. I want to come to the end of this journey we are again taking and look back having trusted that the Lord was sovereign no matter what happened along the way.

So, there you have it. We are on the adoption journey again, and it's not easier the second (or kind of third) time around. But, despite my feelings, I am choosing now to believe what I know to be true about my God. He is faithful and I think He has a few more lessons for me to learn as we journey down this road again.

Contentment

For some reason this week I am struggling with contentment. I don't know why it is that I always put my ideas of how life should go on a time schedule, but I do. Last summer, we decided that we would try to start the process for adoption number 2 in April of this year. Then we had the giddy excitement of a surprise adoption falling in our laps this past fall, only to be back in the place of waiting again after that precious baby boy's mother changed her mind. Then, after we had grieved through that and the Lord graciously replenished our depleted adoption fund, I thought we would be back on track to start again in April. But after praying about it, neither Matt nor I had peace about going ahead. We feel that for now we are supposed to wait on God to give us the go ahead. And I really do have peace about waiting. But yesterday was the last day of April and for some reason, it was just a reminder that we are indeed waiting. The hardest times of waiting are when I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything toward what I'm waiting for. And so I struggle to be content with waiting. I struggle to trust that the Lord really will reveal to us His timing in building our family when I'm not doing anything tangible myself to take us in that direction. But, right now, I'm going to choose to believe that He will make His plan known to us when the time is right. I'm going to choose to be content because I know that He is God of the Universe and sees the big picture of the purpose for our family. I'm going to choose to be content, even when my feelings are screaming out questions. And I'm going to stop comparing myself to others around me whose families are growing and trust that the Lord's plans for each of His children are perfect, even if they look different from each other. And I'm clinging to the promise of peace that passes all understanding when we bring our anxieties to before the Lord.

Pictures with Olana

Last weekend we had pictures done with Olana and Benjamin. I went to Austin with Benjamin while Matt worked and Olana and I had a great time getting pictures done, running some errands and going out to lunch. Once again, I'm so thankful for open adoption and for the blessing of Olana in our lives. Here are some of my favorites from our photo shoot.

Pictures from the Week

Benjamin is growing up SO fast! This week marks one year since we finalized his adoption. I can hardly believe it. We plan to make this a special time each year and celebrate as a family. Since the actual date of his finalization was the 14th and Matt had to study that night, we will be celebrating tonight by going out for ice cream. As Benjamin grows and begins to understand adoption more, we hope having this little tradition will help him understand how very special he is.

Here are a few pictures from this past week:

I am so thrilled that Benjamin is still such a book lover. Since Matt and I are both big readers, it's so fun to see Benjamin enjoying it too. He's doing great at pointing out the different animals when we say them and naming several of them too.

He loves to color and he's getting better about not putting the crayons in his mouth. I still had to pull some chewed up crayon out of his mouth this time, but he mostly just enjoys coloring. I'm glad that crayons seem to wipe off the table pretty easily. :)

After attempting to cut Benjamin's hair a few times and struggling because he moved so much, I decided to take him to Wal-mart and let them try. I thought it would be cheap. Ha! $12 with the tip is not what I call cheap, but at least now I was able to watch what she did and I can definitely do it myself next time.

I love this picture. Matt was reading his Bible one morning and Benjamin climbed right up and sat beside him reading his own books. So sweet!

Meeting the family

One of the blessings of open adoption is that often you get more family. Kind of reminds me of when you get married. Suddenly you have another set of parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Well with open adoption, you get that too. We have been blessed to get to know Olana over the past year and a half of Benjamin's life and this past weekend we were blessed again to get to meet Benjamin's birth grandmother, great grandmother, great aunt, first cousin twice removed (actually we had met her before, but hadn't see her in a while, ) and his second cousin once removed. (I'll admit I had to draw myself a diagram to figure out all those firsts and seconds and removed things.) It was really fun to get to meet them and to have them meet sweet little Benjamin. We are so thankful for the blessing of adoption!

Four generations sitting on the couch - Benjamin's birth grandmother, his birthmother Olana, his first cousin twice removed, Benjamin, and his birth great grandmother. (left to right)

Just being silly with new friends

Benjamin quickly warmed up to Eric, his second cousin twice removed when gingersnaps were being offered

Grieving and Growing

My life,

Has led me down the road that's so uncertain

And now I am left alone and I am broken,

Trying to find my way,

Trying to find the faith that's gone

This time,I know that you are holding all the answers

I'm tired of losing hope and taking chances,

On roads that never seem,To be the ones that bring me home

Give me a revelation,

Show me what to do

Cause I've been trying to find my way,

I haven't got a clue

Tell me should I stay here,

Or do I need to move

Give me a revelation

I've got nothing without You

I've got nothing without You

I think God must know that songs often speak His truths to me because it seems like through this adoption journey He has brought me so many encouraging or challenging songs. The above lyrics are from the Third Day song "Revelation" and they speak pretty clearly where I feel I'm at right now.

The past week has been one of the toughest weeks I've had since we found out that we would not be bringing Jack home. I have literally had to force myself to get out of bed some mornings so I could care for Benjamin. The reality of how much I miss Jack hit me full force when we got back from Indiana. Some days the pain of it nearly swallowed me. Last week we took our car in to see what was wrong with it and I found myself having difficultly praying about it and realized that I was pretty mad at God and didn't feel like I could trust Him. I felt like He took us down such a hopeful road that we were not even seeking only to leave us in pain at the end. I've found myself really questioning whether God is in the details of our lives and feeling so frustrated because I know that God says in His Word that He cares about details, but my emotions don't feel it. I found myself becoming skeptical of faith in general, wondering if it really made any difference, or if God was just going to work is His way regardless. Let me tell you, satan was wreaking some havoc. But let me also tell you that God is GOOD! He gave me an amazing husband and I experienced the very truth of Ecclesiastes 4 which says that if one falls down, his friend can help him up.

A couple of months ago in my Believing God study, we studied the power of speaking God's word. I began compiling Scriptures in a spiral 3x5 notecard set and reading them aloud throughout the day. As I did, they began to become ingrained in my memory and the verses would come to mind at other times. In my Bible study, we learned that the only way to come up against the enemy is through God's word and that often speaking the word allowed cements it into our being. One thing that was said in our video that impacted me was that satan cannot read our thoughts, but he can hear our words. When we speak out those Scriptures it may just sound like our voice to us, but it sounds like God to the devil. Thus the Word becomes our sword. I also learned that while the devil cannot hear our thoughts, he memorizes our weaknesses and uses them against us when he sees an opportune time. So as I was learning all this, I got really excited and shared it with Matt.

Back to last week. Matt and I were out for a walk and I was sharing some of what had been going on in my mind and Matt began to share those very truths that I had shared with him and it was powerful. I began to realize that satan knew the power of God's word and so was doing his best to lead me to think on other things. I was getting so frustrated with the lack of answers through the whole adoption process and I was letting my frustration become directed at God. Then came the depression as I felt that life was hopeless. Now that I have spent a couple of days looking at things in light of truth, I can hardly believe I fell for some of the lies I did. It's amazing what happens when light is shined in dark places. But God is good and very patient with me, even when I resist His pruning.

So for now, this is my verse and I am clinging to it.

"I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'the LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' " Lamentations 3:19-24

I know that God the creator of the universe cares even about each sparrow that falls, so I have to believe that he cares for sweet little Jack and that He will watch over and protect him. It's hard not knowing how he is doing and yet maintaining that trust that the Lord knows and that He loves Jack even more than I do.

And so I still do not know why God took us down this road and led us to California to fall in love with a precious little boy named Jack, but I know that He is sovereign and that He is still in control. And if He chooses at a later date to bring Jack into our family, we will be ready, but if not, I'm going to trust He has a better plan. And today I'm praising Him for being my portion and giving me joy in the midst of pain.

Choosing to Trust and to Praise

I've been putting this post off for over a week now. I just don't want to write it. I'm still processing through and well, it just doesn't make sense. We are home from California and Jack did not come home with us. We have a million questions. Why would God take us out there only to bring us home empty-armed? What is His purpose in all this? Is it over or is this just another bump in the road to Jack eventually coming into our family? Why does building our family have to be so hard? We cannot yet let go of the hope that Jack will be in our family someday, so we are still praying and asking God to let it be. But we are also trusting that if He does not, He has a better thing that He is carrying out. Our hearts are breaking for little Jack. As I watched Matt playing the tickle game with Benjamin the other night and heard Benjamin's sweet laughter, I couldn't help but think of precious little Jack who won't have a daddy coming home from work to tickle him and play chase games and other boy stuff. And so I have to recognize that God is God over that too and I pray that He will watch over Jack and protect his life and be his Father.

Our faith has been tested to its very limits. Some days I feel as though I cannot bear anymore. Other days I feel more trusting. I'm so glad that who God is is not based on my emotions. I know that He is the same today as He was yesterday and last week and last month. As I sat down to write this post, I was listening to some music and heard the song "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe. I remember listening to this song the week Benjamin was born and praying that if his adoption did not go through, that I would still praise the Lord. So now I am praying for strength to praise the Lord when everything in me wants to grieve over the loss of this precious child. It is so easy to talk about praising the Lord in the midst of pain when there is no pain, but in the middle of it, it is difficult. But I will do it. Whatever the outcome of this, I pray that the name of the Lord will be glorified. We appreciate your prayers.

"Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings your glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain"

The Boys

We feel so blessed to be in this wonderful hotel. We moved hotels on Sunday afternoon because we were not getting any sleep in a one room suite. So now we have a two room suite and a door between the two rooms and it's been great. Benjamin gets great naps, we get naps, and Benjamin has room to move and play. This hotel also has real cribs for the boys. Our last one had one pack n play that we could use, which meant that Jack was sleeping in the middle of the second bed. Fine, but not as good as a crib.

We got to have Jack here again last night and he is still with us today. We are just falling more and more in love with him. He's such a sweet baby. Benjamin is doing pretty well with him too. He still gets too rough with him, but he loves to see him and talk to him. They are going to be such good brothers.

Here are a few pictures of the boys that we've taken the past couple of days.

Playing with daddy before bed

Sweet little man

Benjamin getting a look at his little brother to be

Here he is

What an exciting two days this has been! We arrived in Los Angeles yesterday morning and met with our lawyer. Then we found a hotel and crashed. We were pretty tired to say the least. Benjamin still has not recovered from the two hour time difference and tonight is another time change, so it may still be hard for him. But we are so thrilled to be here. I got to meet Sarah and Jack last night and they are both just precious. What a beautiful baby he is! Tonight we all went and met her and she is allowing us to keep Jack for the weekend. He is just so sweet and we are loving having him with us and getting to love on him. We would appreciate your prayers as we continue through this process. Pray that the Lord would continue to smooth the way as He has done so faithfully throughout this journey. And enjoy these precious pictures. We love you all!

The Adventure Continues

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the LORD will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again. The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still." Exodus 14:13-14



The Lord gave me this verse through my friend Katie yesterday and then reinforced it through my Bible study where that same verse was in our video. At the time, I actually didn't know it was for me and thought it was just for Katie. But oh how I love our God. He does not limit Himself to working in just one of us at a time. Praise Him!

When I got home from Bible study last night I checked my e-mail and had an e-mail from the birthmother whose baby we had been moving toward adopting. The Lord had led her back to deciding to place her baby with us for adoption and she wanted to know if we were still interested. Praise the Lord. We spoke with her last night and the Lord continued to confirm to us that we were to once again move forward. We leave for California tomorrow. I just love that this was not a surprise to God. He saw the whole thing and is still seeing it. I love that He is God over time and can move mountains.

So please pray for us! I have a TON to do today and probably should not even be on here to update, but I just had to let you know what God is doing! Please continue to believe with us that the Lord will bring this about and pray for each and every detail to continue to fall into place.

What Now?

While I’m Waiting
John Waller

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am hopeful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it is painful
But patiently, I will wait

I will move ahead, bold and confident
Taking every step in obedience

While I’m waiting
I will serve You
While I’m waiting
I will worship
While I’m waiting
I will not faint
I’ll be running the race
Even while I wait

I’m waiting
I’m waiting on You, Lord
And I am peaceful
I’m waiting on You, Lord
Though it’s not easy
But faithfully, I will wait
Yes, I will wait

I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting
I will serve You while I’m waiting
I will worship while I’m waiting on You, Lord.

We went to see the movie "Fireproof" this past Saturday and this song was in it. The very concept made me cry as I watched the movie and I thought how I wanted my attitude to be one of worship when trials came. Two minutes before the movie ended I got a phone call that is making me put this song into action in my life. The mother of the little baby boy we thought we were going to welcome into our family has decided to parent him.

So where do we go from here? We don't have answers. Last week was a week of miracles. Getting everything together for a homestudy update can take weeks and ours was completed in three days. This included getting letters from our doctors, a child abuse registry background check (normally takes 2 weeks to get it back), and reference letters from three of our dear friends. We had no idea where the money would come from, but God took care of those details as well. He allowed me to find all the people we needed to work with between TX and CA in one day's time. Today our homestudy visit was completed. We felt like we were supposed to go ahead and finish it out in faith that God did not do all of that for no reason. Our social worker told us she has never had someone submit all the items needed for a homestudy so quickly. And yet here we are waiting to see what His plan is. I think the hardest part of having faith comes in the waiting.

I am reminded of my study of the book of Daniel a couple of years ago. In the story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego where they were being thrown into the fiery furnace, they came out without the smell of smoke on them. My study brought out that in our lives, we can come through trials with bitterness or bondage (smoky smell), or we can come through having been refined by the fire. I want this to refine me. 1 Peter 1:7 says: These (trials) have come so that your faith--of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire--may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Oh Jesus, please refine me through this waiting time!

Thanks for taking the time to read my really long post. We would appreciate your prayers as we wait to see what the Lord is doing.

Please Pray

Well I have to make this really short because our computer crashed so I am at the library and they close in 8 minutes. But I wanted to share our good news! God is blessing our family with another baby. I will post soon with all the miraculous things He has done to bring this about, but please pray for us as we finish up our home study and fly to CA next week. God is amazing and I can't wait to share with you what all He's done. Pray and believe in faith with us that He will complete this adoption process.