Friday, May 1, 2009
For some reason this week I am struggling with contentment. I don't know why it is that I always put my ideas of how life should go on a time schedule, but I do. Last summer, we decided that we would try to start the process for adoption number 2 in April of this year. Then we had the giddy excitement of a surprise adoption falling in our laps this past fall, only to be back in the place of waiting again after that precious baby boy's mother changed her mind. Then, after we had grieved through that and the Lord graciously replenished our depleted adoption fund, I thought we would be back on track to start again in April. But after praying about it, neither Matt nor I had peace about going ahead. We feel that for now we are supposed to wait on God to give us the go ahead. And I really do have peace about waiting. But yesterday was the last day of April and for some reason, it was just a reminder that we are indeed waiting. The hardest times of waiting are when I feel like I'm not accomplishing anything toward what I'm waiting for. And so I struggle to be content with waiting. I struggle to trust that the Lord really will reveal to us His timing in building our family when I'm not doing anything tangible myself to take us in that direction. But, right now, I'm going to choose to believe that He will make His plan known to us when the time is right. I'm going to choose to be content because I know that He is God of the Universe and sees the big picture of the purpose for our family. I'm going to choose to be content, even when my feelings are screaming out questions. And I'm going to stop comparing myself to others around me whose families are growing and trust that the Lord's plans for each of His children are perfect, even if they look different from each other. And I'm clinging to the promise of peace that passes all understanding when we bring our anxieties to before the Lord.